Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
