for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
