Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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