xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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