ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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