i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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