Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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