It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
