You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
