Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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