Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
