why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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