we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
