ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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