Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
