I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
