You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
