This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
