There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
