im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
