i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
