What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
