Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
