if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
