I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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