these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
