East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
