drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
