Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
