Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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