his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
