you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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