She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
