I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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