fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
