He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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