How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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