Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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