i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
