dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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