how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
