A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
