Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
