He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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