She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
