so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
