Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
