he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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