just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
