mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
