Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize