If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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