Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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