Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
