My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
