I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
