Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
