I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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