Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
