is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
