My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
