oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
