I just saw a hot homeless man
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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