there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
