But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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