I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
