hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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