I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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