I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
