Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Operation Purity has been aborted
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
