The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They took my balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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