How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
