He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
