Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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