trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
