I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
