Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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