I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
