you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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