wat bout pragnant strippers??
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
