You're completely useless in the revolution.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
