Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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