We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
