what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
