I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
where are my eyebrows?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
