the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize