she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
