I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
