I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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