Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
