I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize