We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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