you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
