I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
