I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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