no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
