as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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