the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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