Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
