I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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