I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
