do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
