Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
