he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
50% drunk capacity currently
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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