Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
