So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
