i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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