shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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